See also Personal Safety
A Story Without End
I have been dating a man named Cal for the past six months. We are very close and treat each other extremely well. We talk frequently about a long-term future. I couldn’t ask for things to be better.
But there is one major problem. Cal’s ex-girlfriend repeatedly interferes in our relationship. She is what you would call a psycho. Almost every weekend we go out to clubs and then to an after bar party. When we are out, we run into her and she picks fights with us. We have had drinks thrown in our faces.
Once when we were out, I turned around to say something to her, and she kicked me in the head. I fell down a flight of stairs. She was two stairs above me when I turned, so it might have been an accident. She has also broken into our house and smashed a window. Cal tells her to leave us alone, but she won’t do it.
She phones here every week. Cal will say things like, “I still love you, but I’m not in love with you.” However, she is not the kind of person who understands that concept. She has made me a very angry person. If this continues, I may walk away from this relationship. That would be giving into her, but I don’t know what else to do.
Talena
Talena, when you are involved with a stalker, the only solution is to cut them off. There is no middle ground. When property damage and physical assault are involved, things are more than annoying. They are dangerous.
Cutting off the stalker means hanging up the phone, changing phone numbers, not going where they go. Each time Cal talks to this woman, she has succeeded in extending their relationship. He can’t say, “I love you, but I don’t want to see you.” Mixed messages never work.
At this point, the ball is in Cal’s court. If he doesn’t end this relationship, you have to wonder if some part of him wants it to continue.
Wayne
(From the column for the week of April 3, 2003)
