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Love And Money

I have been in a relationship for two years.  Early on my boyfriend became angry about picking up the tab, even though I offered many times and he turned me down.  We worked through that and I try to be aware of equality.

Recently we were driving to a party for a coworker.  I also consider her a friend.  My boyfriend drove, as he always turns down my invitation to drive.  In route to the party he glanced down at me programming my mobile phone, and we heard a big bump.  The car had hit something.

We could not determine what it was and thought perhaps he had scraped a mailbox close to the road.  Later we realized that a deer hit the car.  Two days later he was parked and someone backed into the other side of his car.

He took the car in and his insurance company is making him pay the deductible of $250.  My dilemma is that he thinks I should pay half because we were going to my friend's party.  I am appalled.  What do you think?


Cammie, when most people read "A Christmas Carol," they identify with someone who feels the joy of the season, like Bob Cratchit.  Your boyfriend identifies with Ebenezer Scrooge. 

In Dickens' tale, the Ghost of Christmas Past shows Scrooge how he lost his chance for love.  Scrooge sees the woman who once promised herself to him saying, "Another idol has replaced me…a golden one."  Your boyfriend's miserly approach to love may lead him to the same fate.

Driving carries a responsibility which cannot be assigned to another, and with a second accident, chances are your boyfriend would still be out the deductible.  The measure of love is generosity, and yet there is a paradox.  In a successful relationship each party should feel they receive more than they give.

(The best of relationship advice from Direct Answers.)

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