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         I Don't Know Why

Cheating: I Don't Know Why

Texas Justice

Yesterday I caught my girlfriend of two years in bed with my now ex-friend.  I walked in and caught them in the act.  After beating the hell out of him, I told my girlfriend to go to our house and wait for me.  Upon arriving home the question I kept asking is, "Why?"  She says she doesn't know why.

We went and saw a counselor that very same day.  I told her we could work through this, but after sleeping on it I'm not sure I want to.  I guess you could sign me "Cheated on in Texas."

Roy

Roy, most people who sleep on a problem wake up just as muddled as they were the night before.  But in the course of one night, you gained the insight needed to grasp the end of your relationship.

Why do you go to work?  Why do you pay your bills?  Why do you lock your truck in a bad neighborhood?  You know why.

When someone is caught doing what they know is wrong, the classic first answer is, "I don't know why."  Why are there so many "innocent" people in jail?  Because once you admit guilt, you must suffer consequences.  If you claim innocence, there is a chance you might escape justice.

Ultimately, why doesn't matter.  What she did ends the relationship.  What she did trumps why she did it.

Tamara
(The best of relationship advice from Direct Answers.)

 

Firestarter

I've been with my girlfriend five years.  We've had our share of ups and downs, but overall it's been the most rewarding relationship I could imagine.  Recently everything was perfect.  Then I went camping with my friend's girlfriend and alcohol was involved.

I made a very bad and unconscious decision to perform oral sex on her, which is all that happened.  I just wasn't thinking.  I never thought this could happen because I am not that kind of person.  Afterwards I felt terrible. 

Although I had no emotional attachment to this girl, I felt I had done the worst possible thing.  I told my girlfriend the next day, and now our relationship is on the brink of dissipating.  I still love her and know in my heart we can work this out, but she doesn't want to talk to me right now.

Jack

Jack, when horror writer Stephen King was in high school, he was given a chance to be a sports reporter for his local newspaper.  King had only one reservation: he knew nothing about sports.  The editor of the paper, however, didn't see that as a problem.  As he explained to Stephen, "These are games people understand when they're watching them drunk in bars.  You'll learn if you try."

You are trying to understand a game you played while drunk on a camping trip, and you are taking the high road in all this.  Alcohol made you do it, so you are innocent there.  It was only oral sex, so you are almost blameless there.  And you confessed, so you are an honorable person.

But you must have known when you confessed you were destroying your relationship in your girlfriend's mind and in her memory. 

You claim alcohol made you a different person against your character, values, and will.  Some ancient, and not so ancient, cultures take a different view.  Alcohol frees a person to be who they really are, or at least frees them to do what they seek to do.

Often when a relationship reaches the three, five, or seven year mark, it's at a crossroads.  It needs to become marriage or be over.  Some inner voice is telling you to end it, but you won't face up to that, so you're going to force her to end it for you.  The outer part of you is having a problem with this.  But the inner part is driving this forward.

If she lets it pass this time, your inner voice will force the issue again, and again your outer part will deny all responsibility for what is happening.

Wayne & Tamara
(The best of relationship advice from Direct Answers.)

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