Bound To Fail
My fiancée and I have a difficult relationship. I entered the relationship with lingering feelings for my previous girlfriend. It came down to ultimatum time, and I told the woman who is now my fiancée to move on. We carried on as before except for physical intimacy.
She started dating another but told me, “He’s just a friend.” I believed her. As the prospect of losing her for good became real, I panicked. I opened up to her in ways I never had. I proposed and she said yes. We began planning the wedding, but under pressure from me she started dropping bombs about being sexually intimate with him. Can I trust her?
Gregg
Gregg, tit for tat, measure for measure, a taste of one’s own medicine. Is that what this is about? You pushed her away after being intimate with her. You wanted another woman who didn’t want you, and you let her know it.
She dated someone else and lied. Why? Because she hoped you would come around. She didn’t want to be left with no one, if you continued to shove her away. When you decided she was better than nothing, you proposed. Part of wanting her was someone else wanting her. Now you’ve interrogated the truth out of her—so you can shove her away again.
You don’t want to be with her, and you don’t want the insecurity of trying to find another. If this engagement goes to marriage, one day you will be standing at the altar, while your friends in the pews take bets on how long the marriage will last.
Wayne & Tamara
(From the column for the week of July 16, 2007)
