Time To Speak Up
I am my wife's third husband. As in the story "Goldilocks and the Three Bears," I am the one who is just right. Or at least that is what she said until six months ago.
I encouraged her to pursue her education. She graduated from college with a teaching degree and is in her second year of teaching. She maintains a high degree of independence. She pays her bills, I pay mine, and she retains an ex-husband's name.
A year ago she discovered a book on nutrition and exercise. She is 37 and in good shape, but wanted to improve her looks even further. For the past 10 months she has been religiously exercising, dieting, and reading muscle magazines. She is now extremely well built with a hard chiseled body.
She has always gotten attention, but I believe she is getting a lot more now, especially from the young stud teachers. Although she denies she is vying for attention, she just bought a major "muscle car." Where she used to be modest, she now wears tight tops with cleavage showing and a bare midriff. The latest? She is having her hair dyed blond this weekend.
When I ask her why she has changed, she gets hostile. She denies anything is going on and says I am strangling her. And by the way, she told me, the gang from school is going skiing and she would like to go. I am not invited. Can you help?
Tony
Tony, any single change in your wife wouldn't mean much. Put them all together and there is only one interpretation. She is hostile because there is no explanation for her behavior which includes both of you.
The longer you go without confronting her, the more duped you will feel when she leaves. You have a right to tell her what you see. When you allow someone to put something over on you, you take two kickings. One from them, and the one you give yourself.
Tamara
(From the column for the week of January 22, 2001)
