To Thine Own Self
Someone gave me a bit of advice, and I'm doing my best to get my head wrapped around it, trying to understand and comprehend and translate it into my own life. What does it mean to "follow your own heart"?
Lisa
Lisa, Dante's "Divine Comedy" opens with the author saying, "Midway in the journey of our life, I found myself in a dark wood, for the straightforward path had been lost." That is how many people feel. It is as if they are searching for an answer when they don't know the question.
In your quiet moments, with no concern for anyone but yourself, what are your dreams? Your desires? What are your hobbies? Your interests? What did you like to do when you were young? If someone gave you a lot of money, what would you do? Often what you would do doesn't take money, but if you had money, you would feel the freedom--the unburdening--to do it.
Most of us have a talent for complicating the obvious. The amoeba, a one cell organism, has a lesson for us all. It moves toward and embraces what it authentically needs, and it moves away from the uncongenial. That is all we need to do in life, and it applies to everything--people, jobs, leisure activities, and studies.
This method is extremely simple. It is so simple people don't realize how powerful it is. In the course of time, it can create the kind of life we want. Is it sometimes wasteful? Yes, sometimes we follow false trails. Will we sometimes feel our life is stalled? Yes, but at a deeper level we are moving forward.
People who follow this simple technique, in time, feel as if their lives were guided by an unseen hand. They gain a sense of destiny. What once seemed like random events, they know occurred for a purpose. They end up living a life which fulfills them.
Wayne & Tamara
(From the column for the week of December 6, 2004)
Self-Portrait
I love my fiancé with all my heart and spirit, but I am receiving mixed signals from my future mother-in-law. First, I want to say I never planned on marriage, and I don't want children because I am selfish. I will not be a good little housewife and cater to my man's every need, but I will love him the best and only way I know how.
My fiancé tells me his parents only want what will make us happy, and they want to see me at their house every week or two. But when my man is not around, his mother says things like, "You should give up being an artist and do nursing for the benefits." Or she says, "I was a housewife and will soon retire. I need someone else to cook big dinners for the holidays."
She got me to stay for Easter though I told them I did not want to. I even helped her cook dinner because she gave me this look that made me shrink inside. Now I don't want to hurt her, but I need to let her know who I am. What should I do?
Caroline
Caroline, for some reason good people have gotten it into their heads that they are not allowed to say the word "no." When you let your fiancé's mother have her way, you are lying to her about who you are. When you stand up to her, you are telling her the truth.
Some people will balk and say you should give in to your future mother-in-law, but you cannot sustain that for the next 25 years. You are who you are, and when you let false politeness dictate your actions, you diminish who you are.
Wayne & Tamara
(From the column for the week of December 27, 2004)
