Taking Charge of Your Life
After Boyhood Sexual Abuse

   One of the secrets about sexual abuse is that it affects boys as well as girls.  As many as one in six boys are sexually molested.

   In Beyond Betrayal therapist Richard Gartner explores this world of male sexual abuse.  Abuse may come from many sources: clergy, parents, siblings, teachers, coaches or strangers.  Its effects are often devastating.

   The range of emotions from sexual abuse is bewildering. Victims may feel anger, rage, contempt, disgust, hatred, fear, dread, anxiety, loneliness and sadness. Along with these emotions will be a mixture of feelings like friendship, duty, sexual attraction, hope, and gratitude.

   These emotions are a maze a boy cannot navigate. Typically the way he handles them is with silence.

   Beyond Betrayal is divided into two parts, an explanation of the wounds from sexual abuse, and an explanation of the steps needed to move beyond it.  Topics the author discusses include trust, betrayal, boundaries, dissociating from experience, and sexual orientation.

   This book will give many men the opportunity to read about a secret they have never shared, even though it is the secret which has profoundly affected their lives.  The author also provides exercises and advice for those who seek to recover from this experience. For many men, it will be the first step in healing and reclaiming their lives.

   Nothing can erase experience, but with time and patience and courage, a man sexually abused as a boy can put the experience in the past where it belongs, not in the present where it affects him each and every day.

   Highly Recommended.

From Beyond Betrayal

--“If your developing heart was broken by someone who you needed to trust, then it may be hard for you to get along in the world.  Your current relationships may seem mysterious and tricky to manage.  You may even have difficulty understanding your relationship with your own self.”

--“How can we tell if behavior is abusive… A rule of thumb I use is that the more secretive a boy knows he must be about his sexual experiences with an adult, the more those experiences are deviant, taboo, and traumatizing within his culture.”

--[From a story related by Miles, a man with multiple abusers at a boarding school.]  “The secret stayed inside me—a weasel screaming into emptiness, a thick fog, a hunger, a howling wind that only I heard, making me do and think awful things.”

--“Healing requires teaching your brain to respond differently to the world.  Your brain’s neurons didn't establish their millions of connections overnight.  Rewiring them takes time, willpower, and faith.”

§   A helpful website with many resources is www.MaleSurvivor.org.   §