180 Proof Grandma
I have this thorn in my side, and I will call it a rotten mother-in-law. She is an alcoholic and a thief. My husband had his fair share of abuse from this monster. As a young adult she gave him concussions by 
throwing chairs and bottles at his head when he mentioned her drinking.
Now she has sunken into an abyss from hell. My husband, our beautiful little girl and I went on vacation and asked her if she could feed the cats. She was more than happy to oblige. So days before going out of town we placed my daughter’s change into her piggy bank and hid it under her stuffed animals.
We also hid a second bank, which held nothing but pennies, so that was no big deal. We returned from our trip to find everything normal. Or so we thought. A couple of days ago we wanted to feed the pigs only to find them missing. Only one person was in the house while we were away. I am at a loss for words.
Eileen
Eileen, the cats aren’t dead and your mother-in-law didn’t burn the house down. With alcoholics you have to be grateful for small favors.
One of the worst things about growing up in an alcoholic household is children develop a high tolerance for bad behavior. That happened to your husband, and now by extension, to you. Why would you consider leaving a key to your house with a thieving drunkard? Because you have been through so much it doesn’t register anymore.
Your daughter doesn’t know her grandma from all other grandmas. Unless you protect her, your daughter will learn to accept grandma’s behavior as normal, and she will have no more power over her than your husband did when he was a child.
We have two concerns: first, that you will leave your daughter alone with her untrustworthy grandmother, and second, that you may have chosen the wrong way to explain events to your daughter. Did you lie about what took place, or did you teach your daughter a lesson that fits the facts?
Alcoholics must come to reality; if you try to meet them half way, you will be living in a world created and ruled by a drunk. That’s why you and your husband must decide on consequences to give his mother for what she did. Don’t allow another generation to be at the mercy of the same drunk.
Wayne & Tamara
A Loveless Marriage
I have been faithful until now. My husband neglected me, we often quarreled, and his schedule changed so we hardly saw each other.
As we grew apart a man from my past came back and told me all these things I wanted to hear. He filled so many voids I was sure my marriage would end. When I went on vacation, I cheated, but as soon as I returned my husband changed. He started doing all the things I longed for.
Now I feel guilty because I don’t deserve him. How do I get past this? I broke the one wedding vow that was sacred to me.
Cynthia
Cynthia, before you cheated your husband wasn’t good enough to stay with; now he’s too good to stay with. What’s the constant element? You don’t want to be with him. Saying you don’t deserve him is another way to say you don’t love him.
It is as if you felt you didn’t have a big enough, legitimate enough excuse to divorce, so you created one. But he spoiled your plan by altering his behavior. Unconsciously he knew you were about to leave.
In writing of your husband you never use the word love. We suspect it is because you know in six months he will be back to what he was and he will still not be a man you love.
Wayne & Tamara
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